God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
