I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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