I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
