where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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