I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
