I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
