I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
