I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
