Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
