and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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