dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
