ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
