i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
