I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
