she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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