So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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