you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love having hate sex.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
