I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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