Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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