dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
