its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
