Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
