I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize