so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
