Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
