Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
