I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize