3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
