I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
