I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
