haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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