I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
