oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
