My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
