my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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