just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
