Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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