ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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