Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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