So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize