im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
