im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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