there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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