I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
