she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Less talking, more tequila
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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