some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
