Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize