You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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