There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
