Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
