the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
