a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
