please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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