moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
