Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
