What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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