I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize