he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just googled if crying burns calories
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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