Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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