Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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